>StudyingI can't get myself to start, I feel like everything is pointless and I can't even do things I'm interested in just because I'm interested in them, everything is hypercompetitive and I'll be left behind. Everyone I meet that's into math and programming has been practicing since they were kids, with thousands of hours of experience over many years and here I am, doing basic math when everyone else has already got a degree and started working.
I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others but it's hard not to, when I'm reminded of the gap between me and everyone else every time I look at a book and think about how little I've done with my life.
>ReadingI read some manga here and there, I read consistently for a while but it didn't last long, again I have issues getting started. I'd also like to write something just to do something with the various ideas juggling inside my head, I keep making notes of various "sketches" but nothing meaningful comes out of them because, just like reading, I can't even get started.
>SocialisingThis one I feel like I'm beyond saving, I can't get close to people and I struggle to understand them in relationship to me, as an outsider looking at a group of people I have no trouble understanding their relationships/emotions etc, but as soon as I'm personally involved, I get so overwhelmed that there's no rational thought to be had, at most I can react and usually that reaction is just to get away as soon as I can.
I was hoping by getting deeper into studies and interests I would meet people I could talk to and befriend, but it really feels like everyone else has a place in the world in terms of friendships, with various connections in multiple directions with different people, and me having not a single one of them, when I manage to talk to someone for a while, I get reminded that they have others to talk to, to do things with, I don't, and sometimes that makes me talk to people I wouldn't talk to if I had a choice (which I do, but you know what I mean).
>Working out, regular sleep schedule, dietThe only good things that I'm consistent with, I don't do anything special, but it seems ok for now.
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