/kind/ - Random Acts of Kindness

>>580
I have no clue when it comes to these kinds of things. If I'm being honest, whenever I lie in life, I find that it just makes the situation worse at some point down the road. At my job actually, I'm kind of fucked tomorrow because of some stuff I said on Monday. You can't keep lying to her forever, so I would just come clean to her. It's better if whatever happens happens sooner rather than later. It's very rare that I regret doing the right thing.
If that's too much though, you could try to make it so that she decides to leave you, but I don't know how you would do that.

>>581
Really appreciate the advice man, I think for now I'll try making her leave me.

And hopefully things will go smooth for you at work tomorrow, good luck to you.

Be direct and honest yet caring, maybe even loving if you love her just in a differing way. Talk to her like an adult, even if she doesn't necessarily act that way all the time, answer her questions, and make sure she understands what you want to get across fully, even if it becomes uncomfortable, and above all, be gentle and kind. You'll hurt her in the short term, but show your honesty and character in the long term after the feelings subside. You can help and love somebody in so many ways outside of being romantic and if that's how you feel, that's what you should emphasize. If you're willing to be her friend and care for her after this, in the long term this could strengthen your bond and she would benefit from this i feel, and very well could appreciate it far more than faking it or going about ending it in a way where she has questions or feels like you need to walk on eggshells, or you're treating her like a child.

You're obviously going to hurt her, but it should hopefully only be in the short term, if it goes south or she carries resentment for just the fact you're breaking up with her, than that's her problem and not hers. She has her own character and life just like you, and she'll just have to learn you have your life and decisions too. Hopefully it doesn't come to those scenarios but if it does, just know you did your best, and you didn't do anything wrong. Good luck, boss.

>>584
Thanks for the great advice, you're awesome.

>>580
How mentally ill are we talking here? BPD, schizo, severe autism?

>>580
No matter what happens, anon, it won't be your fault for wanting to end the relationship. If you're not happy in it, you're not obligated to continue being with her.

I think she's really starting to lose interest in me, that's good. I also wanted to thank you guys for the kind words

I think she's starting to lose interest in me, that's good. I also wanted to say thanks for the kind words and the good advice, You guys are the best

>>580
Hello anon, i agree with >>581
tell her the truth because it will be more difficult to both of you if you keep lying about your feelings toward her.

>>620
>>621
Are you trying to make her get bored of you till she leaves you?
It depends on what mental illness they have for this to actually work.

BPDs for example are looking for rocks they latch others to hold on to, and they build their lives around them. Maybe they aren't really in love with you, but are in love with the idea of stability that you provide for them.
Also, anyone with serious trauma, BPDs especially, are going to do whatever they can to avoid experiencing the feelings of being abandoned, even if they're hanging out with someone who neglects them, or even hates them and physically abuses them.
You're also being an ass by lying first, and emotionally neglecting someone who proposed to you next, but that's too late now. Think about the sunk cost fallacy both for yourself, and for her. If she did something bad, then that's on her, unless you didn't handle the breakup delicately.
t. BPD

>>580
I've gone through that sort of relationship. Trust me, you really don't want to go through that, anon. Leave as soon as possible.

Even if it hurts her, even if you end up being a douche about it, do it. Leave.

How did it turn out, OP?

>>580
update post OP.

wishing you luck. I'm in a fucking sinch myself with some chick, overly attatched. broke up 2 years ago and still cyberstalks me and yells at me for shit as if we're together. I yelled at her the other day over it cause I lost it, told her I was tired of this stalking etc and she acted so surprised, cried and said she was not prepared for this kind of "rejection."

I guess she was in total denial that we weren't even together anymore. people like that, I think they really do convince themselves of a completely different reality. seems pretty dangerous. she's still causing me problems and I don't know how to get rid of her. I worry about her bothering my family and friends all the time and causing me embarrassment. if you know how it is then I'm sorry to anyone reading this that has to go through that shit also. now she's getting hyper obessed with anime despite not caring about any of it and constantly spamming me about figures and merch. it's pissing me off.

>>580
She confessed and you said yes so, regardless of how you feel, you must honor that. You don't have a choice OP. You have to try it, even if its a relationship you don't want and probably won't be permanent. Let this be a lesson to you. Think before you speak. You can't just leave like other anons are saying. You have obligations to her now and you can only leave once you've met those obligations.

>>784
that's retarded.

>>789
thats not a kind thing to say >:(

>>580
>>789
>>791
hey, hey, hey!! everyone does retarded things sometimes!! but as long as you learn from your mistakes, being retarded is fine!!

>>793
i don't learn from my mistakes sadly

>>789
Its not retarded. If you make a promise to someone you have to fufill it. A relationship is a two way thing and unless you can end it amicably then you shouldn't just back out by yourself abandoning the other person. Even if its a relationship you didn't actually want but consented to anyway. You have to do right by the other person at least. There's nothing wrong with wanting to leave a relationship. But its immoral and dishonorable not to meet your commitments. OP will have to at least try the relationship and let it run its course (even if he ends it early) and not just ghost her or something. People don't deserve abandonment.

>>862
Doing that is beneficial to no one.