No.1522
That's sad anon, it does sound like some issue outside the abuse you faced as a child..
Keep trying to connect to people, try to find things of interest in their lives, something you relate with, you will perhaps start enjoying talking to people.
And I hope you find someone you want to love.
I don't have a lot to get off my chest. some days I feel like I'm not as motivated as I used to be about wanting to improve myself. It pains me because that was the part of me I respected.
No.1523
(ik this thing is 10 months old but I don't really care, I'm kind of hoping no one sees this)
Trauma can do crazy things to a person's brain, I'd know... I hope things have gotten better for you.
I'm hypersexual. But at the same time, I'm afraid of intimacy with anyone I trust or care about. It creates this awful cycle where I'd rather go to my own abusers than to people who would actually respect me or treat me with any decency. Because being treated that way is unfamiliar and the person who treated me "nicely" before in a non-platonic context was manipulating and psychologically abusing me while using just enough nice words to keep me tricked for a half a year.
Sometimes I wonder what the point in trying to get better is, when it's so much easier to break myself down further. Sometimes I think it's something inherent for me to be like this. I feel like a hentai trope.
I recently got away from my latest abuser (who's much older than me), but I keep calling him... I don't know how to explain it. It's so hard to stop, at least he gives me attention.
At some point in being abused, especially sexually abused, if you adopt a certain way of coping, you learn to like the pain, and you start to feel like you deserve it. And then when it's finally over, you can't move on because not having that pain anymore feels like a void you need to fill.
No.1524
>>1521I can relate to this. I was never abused or anything, but I feel like my childhood messed me up. I was an undiagnosed autist who had no idea about my condition up until my teenage years. I was homeschooled through part of elementary school, which I don't regret at all, but when I was placed alongside other kids I realized I was socially awkward and didn't really fit in with other kids. I did manage to make some friends (and even had some girls show interest in me but have never made any moves), but it's been a long and painful journey to try and camouflage my condition. I'm a loner by nature, don't like having to interact with most people, and often wish I could just disappear and become invisible. At the same time, I crave affection and someone to spend my life with but don't even see how it could work out. I like to think I'm okay at hiding the fact that I'm a reclusive wizard when it comes to quick interactions with other people, but the pain at feeling like a worthless misfit is still there to some degree.
No.1525
I always feel very stressed and burned out for some reason. I spend all day doing nothing but I still feel drained by the end of it.
No.1526
>>1525Your problem might be doing nothing. Are there any small things you can do for a sense of accomplishment? Cleaning up your home, cooking a meal, even taking a shower or going for a walk.
Humans evolved to want to do things with our hands, so getting off the screen and doing something physical is way better than sitting in one place doing nothing. It really does work.