Random Acts of Kindness

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File: 1707238721991.jpg (62.11 KB, 1920x1200, gradient.jpg)

just venting Friend February 6 2024 16:58:41 No.906 [Reply]

I can see myself killing myself within the next few years. I know why. I'm afraid I will be all alone for the rest of my life. And if that continues on for the next couple years, I will lose all hope.
I don't know how to make friends, the long lasting kind, the close kind. What I see as what I have right now, and all that I will have in the future, is no close friends, no lover, just surface level relations with people and my lonely self. I wasn't like this before. I didn't care about human relations. I was happy in my room, tapping away at my keys, making stupid niche software that only I needed for my own personal use.
Though, even back then, somewhere in me, I knew I had to stop doing that eventually. My family wasn't so well off that the generational wealth could sustain a hikineet for life. I knew I had to get out into the real world, interact with people, earn income, learn to live on my own. Naively, I figured it wouldn't be so hard. I just need to be welcoming towards strangers and I can get by with my own life without trouble.
About a year ago, I moved to a different state, thought I'd start life anew. But now I feel the loneliness in my ways, and even more so the fear of it going on for the rest of my life.
I think I know what's stopping me from having friends, I don't hang out with people that are around me. I'd rather be in my room, in front of the computer. I don't care about having friends that will make me compromise. That's the other thing, I'm not willing to compromise for people, friends. If they're not "up to my standards", then I don't want to be with them. As simple as that. And I plan to stick with that.

Venting, or expressing your feelings with words, really is a good way to get a proper look at yourself and assess one's current situation. As retarded and annoying as it sounds, I'm just love-struck. I don't care for a single soul in the world, but am unreasonably obsessed with that single soul that my mind has grown attached to. And the fear of not being with them is what's keeping me up all night. Haven't felt this in decades. It was not the fact that I might "not have friends all my life". Fuck close friends that I need to change my ways to be with. I don't want them.
But I guess, it'd be impossible to start interacting with a single persoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Friend February 6 2024 20:23:37 No.907

Yeah, I want to die too.

Friend February 6 2024 20:29:36 No.908

>>907
Just need to get yourself a hobby that doesn't involve sitting in your room, alone

Doesn't matter wtf it is, fuckin archery or beekeeping, fuck even simping over trains or something.

just get out.
drive.
there's nothing that swallows your soul more than sitting festering away in a room, essentially being on pause between events, loneliness has killed more men than ebola.

Friend February 6 2024 20:51:27 No.909

>>908
No, thanks. I don't care anymore. Still /kind/ of you to suggest someting.

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the universe is really big... Friend January 8 2024 04:23:46 No.766 [Reply]

the universe is really big, friends... it's so big, that on the grand scale of things, most of what we do will not matter much...

what do you think?

4 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Friend January 19 2024 09:53:11 No.815

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>>814
The world always appreciates beautiful dreamers...

Friend January 19 2024 18:48:49 No.817

>>811
Why does everything have to be conquered by humanity? Just enjoy your short time here. If it were small enough for us to see and conquer all of it, we'd get bored.

Friend January 19 2024 21:45:16 No.818

>>817
But what if I am enjoying my time here by conquering everything?

Friend January 20 2024 02:17:12 No.819

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>>814
>>815
>>817
if you turned into an ice cube while you were sleeping, couldn't you have beautiful dreams... forever?

>>818
you sound like an AI from some 4X game. don't forget to explore, expand, and exploit too!

Friend February 4 2024 22:17:29 No.887

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>>766
Elizabeth from Bioshock says something like "We all swim in different oceans but land on the same shore"
And the first time playing I was like, well that's stupid, why bother playing at all then. But the point is that I still have to play, doesn't matter how small I am, or that there may be a reality where I'm pooping killer insects out of my hands, I have to make the best out of my own reality.

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I need some help Friend October 19 2023 08:54:39 No.580 [Reply]

So me and this girl have been talking recently and she's really mentally ill. she confessed her feelings to me and out of panic I kind of just said yes. I'm scared that if I tell her I don't wanna do this anymore she'll hurt herself real bad.

15 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Friend January 13 2024 18:34:08 No.791

>>789
thats not a kind thing to say >:(

Friend January 13 2024 23:34:06 No.793

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>>580
>>789
>>791
hey, hey, hey!! everyone does retarded things sometimes!! but as long as you learn from your mistakes, being retarded is fine!!

Friend January 27 2024 19:39:44 No.853

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>>793
i don't learn from my mistakes sadly

Friend January 31 2024 07:30:53 No.862

>>789
Its not retarded. If you make a promise to someone you have to fufill it. A relationship is a two way thing and unless you can end it amicably then you shouldn't just back out by yourself abandoning the other person. Even if its a relationship you didn't actually want but consented to anyway. You have to do right by the other person at least. There's nothing wrong with wanting to leave a relationship. But its immoral and dishonorable not to meet your commitments. OP will have to at least try the relationship and let it run its course (even if he ends it early) and not just ghost her or something. People don't deserve abandonment.

Friend January 31 2024 11:32:27 No.863

>>862
Doing that is beneficial to no one.

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Ego death Friend October 10 2023 01:03:22 No.517 [Reply]

Does one strive to kill the ego?
It seems to have benefits to your current self, paradoxically...
For example, those without an ego can't get slighted or depressed because they have no attachments.

There seems to be some posters who border ego-death around here.

3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Friend January 26 2024 12:40:57 No.842

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I just take it easy.

Friend January 26 2024 21:21:46 No.843

The first step is to accept that the ego is an illusion. There is no "you" or "I" that persists from one moment to the next. There are only different sensations, memories, feelings, perceptions the mind falsely tie together into a single identity. This identity is the source of our suffering. When you genuinely realize this truth you will experience ego-death. Intellectually grasping this idea and genuinely knowing it in your heart are seperate things. That's the hardest part and there's no easy guide for that.

Friend January 27 2024 03:03:46 No.846

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>>843
cool idea! but there's a problem here. if the ego's an illusion, and the mind exists, what would it mean for the mind to die? think about it. you can't have one without the other!

Friend January 27 2024 12:52:48 No.852

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>>841
I have no idea and only take parts of these philosophies that kinda suit me, so I may be talking out of my ass, but my thoughts on this are:
Ego death doesn't mean you walk around the rest of your life like a vegetable, it's gaining and living with the knowledge that you aren't different from anybody on a spiritual level and as a result won't get emotionally upset because of something that happens to.You can still have ambitions for example, but won't despair should they not come true. It's like a near-death experience, you gain a whole new way of looking at things for the rest of your life.

Friend January 31 2024 06:40:54 No.861

>>846
I misspoke. The mind is just as illusory as the ego. We intuitively link together different fleeting mental states and tie them together with a single shared identity and call it mind, or ego, or self or I or me. Fleeting pieces held together with psychological duct tape.

2ch AA and Kaomoji animated GIF resources (for you to use) ゼリーさん SLKQ8T January 25 2024 06:52:32 No.1518 [Reply]

(I accidentally posted it in /wap/)
I have made a collection of 2ch GIF resources:

AA

Matsucon:

https://web.archive.org/web/20220530052745/http://matsucon.net/material/mona/

https://web.archive.org/web/20220530052745/http://matsucon.net/material/mona/icon01.html

Matsucon (Large and Small size):

https://web.archive.org/web/20220530052745/http://matsucon.net/material/mona/icon02.html

https://web.archive.org/web/20220530052745/http://matsucon.net/material/mona/icon03.html

Matsucon (Animated):

https://web.archive.org/web/20220530052823/http://matsucon.net/material/mona/icon04.html

5channel, NTT Docomo:

https://archive.org/details/2chaagifs

Travelmin:

http://www.travelmin.com/

Nuko:

http://dc.awalker.jp/78/027813/

Other:

https://prcm.jp/list/AA%20%E3%83%87%E3%82%B3%E3%83%A1

Yuru AA:

https://sp.decoraccho.jp/racchoroid/tokushu/tokushu222.htm?intg=tokusyu0201

https://sp.decoraccho.jp/racchoroid/tokushu/tokushu150.htm
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Shift_JIS art thread (using heno2 AA) ゼリーさん SLKQ8T January 25 2024 06:38:44 No.1519 [Reply]

∧＿∧
　(　･ω･)＝つ≡つ
　(っ ≡つ＝つ
　/　　 )
`(ノ￣∪

ゼリーさん SLKQ8T January 25 2024 06:39:40 No.1520

.　∧＿∧
　(　･ω･)＝つ≡つ
　(っ ≡つ＝つ
　/　　 )
`(ノ￣∪

I forgot to put the period so the first part doesn't shift off.

Friend January 1 2024 10:27:28 No.739 [Reply]

If you're reading this, hey, make this new year a good one

10 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Friend January 17 2024 07:22:02 No.807

>>804
What resources are you using?

Friend January 17 2024 20:00:18 No.808

>>807
I'm using this for Arabic
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfiyya_of_Ibn_Malik

For Japanese I guess I'll go with Tae Kim. I want to go through the textbooks on classical Japanese but I need to have basic Japanese down first and I'm trying to master the kana right now.

Friend January 19 2024 09:42:09 No.812

>>808
Oh. I learned Japanese with Lingodeer a while back for a short time and felt like I was making progress with it. I had no experience whatsoever going in. I ended up forgetting a lot of what I learned though.

Friend January 21 2024 05:27:31 No.823

File: 1705814851100.jpg (1.99 MB, 1080x1920, learningwithriko.jpg)

>>808
learning from textbooks is a waste of time. you can learn japanese faster by watching videos!
>>812
that sucks, but maybe it's for the best? lingodeer is not free, after all. as for me, i've learned japanese by playing games. if you want to do the same, try playing kawaiidungeon! it's free!

Friend January 21 2024 06:53:31 No.824

>>823
I'd already paid for Lingodeer, so it's not like the financial aspect was a concern for me. It doesn't really bother me that I've forgotten things either. If I want to try learning another language, I'd focus on German. I know bits and pieces of it from taking it in school for years but am not fluent at all. I think it would be more useful to me than Japanese, not that it wouldn't be nice to be able to speak Japanese too.

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Off your chest thread Friend December 14 2022 01:07:24 No.1521 [Reply]

Anything you feel like you need to say? Get it off your chest.

One thing about me is that sadly, I'm very cold by nature. It is extremely difficult for me to get close to people or even speak to them normally. I just feel horrible speaking to most people. But that isn't all; one other problem that arises as a result is that I can never get married or love someone. If I found that girl who was absolutely perfect for me, cute and sweet and likes all the stuff I do, has the same goals in life I do and finds within me someone to spend her life with, I'd be afraid of her. I don't know why; I always thought it was as a result of sexual abuse I sustained as a child causing me to fear intimacy, but honestly I start to wonder if it's even that. Yet I fantasize, I continue to fantasize of us playing video games together, joking around, eating together and sharing joy, and even maybe having children. My existence is a theater of fantasies and dreams that can never be realized because of my inaction and fear.

Friend December 15 2022 07:13:24 No.1522

That's sad anon, it does sound like some issue outside the abuse you faced as a child..
Keep trying to connect to people, try to find things of interest in their lives, something you relate with, you will perhaps start enjoying talking to people.
And I hope you find someone you want to love.

I don't have a lot to get off my chest. some days I feel like I'm not as motivated as I used to be about wanting to improve myself. It pains me because that was the part of me I respected.

Friend October 8 2023 20:48:45 No.1523

(ik this thing is 10 months old but I don't really care, I'm kind of hoping no one sees this)
Trauma can do crazy things to a person's brain, I'd know... I hope things have gotten better for you.

I'm hypersexual. But at the same time, I'm afraid of intimacy with anyone I trust or care about. It creates this awful cycle where I'd rather go to my own abusers than to people who would actually respect me or treat me with any decency. Because being treated that way is unfamiliar and the person who treated me "nicely" before in a non-platonic context was manipulating and psychologically abusing me while using just enough nice words to keep me tricked for a half a year.
Sometimes I wonder what the point in trying to get better is, when it's so much easier to break myself down further. Sometimes I think it's something inherent for me to be like this. I feel like a hentai trope.
I recently got away from my latest abuser (who's much older than me), but I keep calling him... I don't know how to explain it. It's so hard to stop, at least he gives me attention.
At some point in being abused, especially sexually abused, if you adopt a certain way of coping, you learn to like the pain, and you start to feel like you deserve it. And then when it's finally over, you can't move on because not having that pain anymore feels like a void you need to fill.

Friend October 16 2023 04:35:17 No.1524

>>1521
I can relate to this. I was never abused or anything, but I feel like my childhood messed me up. I was an undiagnosed autist who had no idea about my condition up until my teenage years. I was homeschooled through part of elementary school, which I don't regret at all, but when I was placed alongside other kids I realized I was socially awkward and didn't really fit in with other kids. I did manage to make some friends (and even had some girls show interest in me but have never made any moves), but it's been a long and painful journey to try and camouflage my condition. I'm a loner by nature, don't like having to interact with most people, and often wish I could just disappear and become invisible. At the same time, I crave affection and someone to spend my life with but don't even see how it could work out. I like to think I'm okay at hiding the fact that I'm a reclusive wizard when it comes to quick interactions with other people, but the pain at feeling like a worthless misfit is still there to some degree.

Friend January 1 2024 04:23:39 No.1525

I always feel very stressed and burned out for some reason. I spend all day doing nothing but I still feel drained by the end of it.

Friend January 6 2024 09:25:03 No.1526

>>1525
Your problem might be doing nothing. Are there any small things you can do for a sense of accomplishment? Cleaning up your home, cooking a meal, even taking a shower or going for a walk.

Humans evolved to want to do things with our hands, so getting off the screen and doing something physical is way better than sitting in one place doing nothing. It really does work.

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